My days insist on being hard, but compared to what they used to be, I can only be grateful. It’s a piece of cake. Sometimes it’s hard to keep my eyes open, to think straight, or it’s hard to lift one of my arms. It’s much worse not to love oneself, and damn, how hard it is to understand how to love oneself.
With those I love, my days are not easy, but affection makes everything shine. Some days are more beautiful, some are so difficult that the beauty disappears, regardless of being surrounded by love.
I feel good most of the time, and most of the time I’m doing things to keep myself well. Sometimes all I want is silence, but I’ve learned that my chatty mind will chatter, so I occupy it with a story, with a song, a list, or with a text (like this one).
Partnerships are transforming, and as we transition, now and then a little ache comes, and there it will stay… until it’s no longer there.
I’ve been feeling lonely; it’s hard to sleep. It’s hard to love from afar; it’s hard to sustain balance with such a distant love. It’s very hard to understand that what is not nourished dies. So the hardest thing is to understand the whys.
Even though I believe that love is action, that feelings pass, that thoughts change, that movement and intention drive everything… I still find myself immersed in privilege and gratitude, feeling an urge to tear my tears out.
Longing is love that isn’t there. And if love is action, how could it be there?
At least we know that difficult isn’t bad… it’s just difficult